


No More Hiding

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, British Insults and Swear Words, Child Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Nuerosurgery, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:32:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. When Cole Guthrie insults Neal, the ER attending snaps and Christa finds her mentor burning with fury. She asks him why he didn't become a surgeon, and the story behind Neal's reason is revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More Hiding

**Author's Note:**

> Obvious AU. I had no idea Christa's and Neal's relationship would advance this far when I wrote this in late November.

_No More Hiding_

“Dr. Guthrie.” Dr. Christa Lorenson looked up from monitoring her patient’s vital signs to see Neal approaching the surgeon. The blond noted with unease of how the taller surgeon was sweating slightly, and his eyes were dark with rage as he stared at the ER doctor. “Were you able to stabilize the patient?”       

A patient was rushed the ER in the early hours in the morning with a gunshot to the head without an exit wound. The main trauma surgeon, Dr. Guthrie, practically demanded that Neal take over the case, as the ER doctor was competent in surgery – Christa had heard of how her mentor was gifted in surgery, more so than even being the ER doctor she had been studying over for over a year. _I have wondered what it would be like to watch him perform surgery – it makes me wonder if it was like art as Dr. Perello said._ Christa smiled despite herself, knowing the substitute ER director, who was now an attending in Angels Memorial, was often prone to exaggeration. Christa had barely looked back when she saw at the corner of her eye as Neal was punched in the face by Dr. Guthrie.

Her eyes widened with dismay as she watched Neal catch himself as his left leg remained on the ground. His dark eyes locked onto to Dr. Guthrie’s, who started to yell despite the chaos of the ER.

“What were you thinking?” Dr. Guthrie continued to bellow. “I told you that you should have taken the patient, Dr. Hudson!” The ER doctor was now standing fully, his expression composed compared to the agitated surgeon. “With your skills, we could have saved him!” Christa’s breath caught in her throat as Dr. Guthrie’s face neared closer toward the other doctor’s. “But now he’s dead!”

“Dr. Guthrie –” Neal started to say.

“He’s dead because of you, and I cannot understand why you continue to hide behind Leanne!”

Neal’s face hardened, and he spoke slowly, his injured jaw already starting to swell.

“I am not hiding, Dr. Guthrie.” Christa gulped and could see the other residents trying to see what was going on, the traffic inside the ER somehow slowed. _Doesn’t he know this is a matter after work?_ Christa thought. _We don’t have time for this!_ Inwardly, the resident was appalled at the way the surgeon talked to her mentor, acting as if it was Neal that had caused the patient to die. She had known of Dr. Guthrie’s temper and of his impatience with the residents and the nurses, but the blond had never heard the surgeon speak to an attending like that, especially to Neal. _Mario obviously said that he was jealous of Neal’s abilities, but I think it’s something different._ “You worked your hardest to save him, Dr. Guthrie, and that is what matters.”

However, Dr. Guthrie would not be deterred. “What is it that you’re afraid of, Dr. Hudson?” His eyes narrowed. “Or is it…” Suddenly his gaze lingered on Christa’s before focusing on the attending’s. “Do you really want a piece of _that_ so badly?”

There was a brief look of shock on the attending’s face before growing anger echoed in his voice. “I think you should stop talking now,” Neal stated through gritted teeth as Christa attempted to not look at the unfolding scene. She could see her mentor struggling to contain his emotions, his hands curled into fists.

Dr. Guthrie continued. “Are you truly still afraid of your father’s shadow, Dr. Hudson? Of being a poor rich boy from England who was so desperate to gain his father’s approval, who lowered himself to –!”

“Shut up,” Neal half-shouted as the several of the staff remained still. “Shut up, you bloody wanker!” The shout echoed in the hallways for a couple of moments before Neal realized what he had done. His dark eyes widened, revolving around desperately before locking onto Christa’s. Her eyes were wide, and she was about to call him when the attending suddenly turned and walked away. Christa closed her eyes as the slam of the emergency room door echoed in the hallway.

Without thinking, Christa began to run towards the emergency room door. The slam only echoed in her mind as she found Neal pacing. His head was lowered, his eyes on the ground as the attending continued to pace. _He’s angry,_ Christa thought. _No_ , she realized as she continued to watch his erratic movements. _He’s furious._ Suddenly, Neal turned to her. His eyes were burning with rage as haltingly began to speak.

“I…have never been that insulted in my life.” The fury in his voice made his English accent more pronounced, his hands slightly trembling as he attempted to control the waves of the emotion. “Not even my father shared those words with me. Bloody git,” he hissed under his breath.

“Neal, why didn’t you become a surgeon?” The attending stopped pacing, and he turned toward Christa. Instead of the anger she would have expected, there was sadness. Suddenly, her mentor looked tired.

“Another time,” he stated. Christa noted of how his hands were clenched, the sinews of his muscles pulled tight, as he attempted to turn away from her.

“Let me in,” the blond resident whispered. When he didn’t respond, Christa moved closer to him. “Let me in, Neal. Please.”

Her mentor swallowed before taking a deep breath and sighing. He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again. “I studied under my father in England before I came here,” he stated calmly. “I was proud that I was able to study under a surgeon that I wanted to impress the most, and for a while, I was…content to hear my father’s praises and learning about neurosurgery.” There was a pause, and Neal swallowed before breaking his silence. “Then one day, I was told there was a patient. A small boy with a brain tumor.” Christa inwardly gasped, staring at the growing broken look in Neal’s eyes. “My father…offered to assist with me, but I said no. I refused.”

“What happened?” Christa asked with bated breath, but the look on Neal’s face answered the question.

“He died.” There was a faint rasp in Neal’s voice, and his dark eyes were somber and drowning in regret. “My father…rightly so…screamed at me, telling me that my arrogance cost a child his life.” The attending who Christa had not seen break down in the year she had known him was struggling to control the tremble in his voice. His hands were slightly shaking. “I…tried to go to the boy’s funeral, but the parents blamed me.” Neal cleared his throat and looked toward Christa. “Ever since then, I have not been able to do neurosurgery. I tried…but the boy’s face just…kept flashing in my mind.” The dark-haired attending swallowed heavily, looking up towards the sky and blinking even as tears started to trail from his eyes. “I did run away, and…I have been running away ever since.” Tears started to gather in his eyes again, and the blond resident stared at the haunted look on her mentor’s face. _The guilt…is still eating him,_ Christa thought as tears started to pelt onto the ground despite Neal attempting to brush away the tears. _Like me._

“Daniel Lorenson.” Neal turned at the sound of the name coming from Christa’s lips, and his mouth slightly gaped as Christa whispered the name again. “My son,” she explained. “I…have never told anyone my son’s name after his death.” She stared into Neal’s dark eyes. “And what was the boy’s name?”

“Arthur Engel,” Neal stated with a breath. He walked towards Christa then, and the attending hesitantly took her hands in his own as the stood before the emergency room doors.

“Thank you,” the dark-haired man whispered as the tears stopped trailing from his eyes. The haunted look was steadily disappearing, and his hands were gentle and warm as Christa felt a warm feeling envelop in her stomach as she stood very closely to her mentor. “Thank you…for everything.”

“Neal…” Christa started to say before his lips found her own.

The kiss was warm and sweet as the blond resident felt Neal’s lips against her own. He was gentle, allowing her to kiss him back as she slowly returned the gentle touch, feeling millions of emotions as their lips continued to touch and move against one another. _Neal._ That seemed to be the only thought Christa was able to have as she felt herself pull the attending into a deeper kiss, allowing her hands to cup Neal’s face before they suddenly pulled back.

“How long?” Christa asked. She forced herself to look into his eyes. She hoped that the love she felt for him now was able to be seen in her blue eyes.

“Since we had breakfast together,” Neal said. He began to move his fingers over her own until he held her hand. “I have…not felt as a mentor for you for quite some time, Christa.”

For a moment, Christa was stunned. The time they had breakfast together was almost a year ago. Then, a smile filled her face at the memory of having breakfast with the attending she had now kissed. Christa had never told anyone, but that had been her favorite memory of Angels.

“No more hiding,” she whispered. The story of Neal’s reason to not practice surgery echoed in her mind. _We all have scars even though we cannot see them,_ the blond resident thought.

“No more hiding,” Neal agreed. His face was calm and content, the haunted and furious emotions gone from his expression. A soft smile played against his lips as he leaned in to kiss Christa again.

“No more hiding.”


End file.
